glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
