I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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