So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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