I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
