I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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