you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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