I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
