I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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