eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
