Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize