You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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