If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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