we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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