im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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