So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She told me I should be a condom model.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
