Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
