you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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