okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
