I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
