She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
