so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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