You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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