We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He? As in you personified your dick?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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