There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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