I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
