worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
