fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
