you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
