I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
