It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
