yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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