I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
