so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
