Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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