I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
