I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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