I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
