i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
