if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
