dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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