the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize