Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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