Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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