i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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