you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
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He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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