don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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