I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
