omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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