and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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