Just fell off a train. Bad.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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