Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
