You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
