Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
