my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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