i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
