dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
