Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
