I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
