somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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