that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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