Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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