you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
