that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
