he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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