Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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