so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
