One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
