On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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