$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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