Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
