After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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