I only kidnapped one of them. chill
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
