it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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