when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The air was thick with penises
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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