ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
