i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
