I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
