he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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