I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
