alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
