Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
